Jeepers Creepers!

Platforms took a while getting used to, and I ‘meh-ed’ a little when Flatforms came into fashion, but Creepers is where I unblinkingly draw the line. True to their name, sole ‘creepers’ seriously give me the heebie-jeebies. Imagine this – a pair of brogues (which are bad enough to begin with) get a life of their own until they develop a spongy bottom, Jennifer Lopez style –and voila, you have what they’re tenderly referring to as creepers.

Sure, if you’re going punk or goth for a masquerade party, go right ahead. But if you ever so much as think of stepping into them for that well-heeled do, may the almighty have mercy on you! Asos’ business may be thriving thanks to these monstrosities, but have compassion for fashion before donning a pair yourself.

Watch your tongue!

Ooooooh! Did you finally acquire that to-die-a-million-deaths-and-then-some-more salivation worthy horologe? Will you be subtly, albeit a bit pompously yet casually, throwing in the name of that beautiful thing that adorns your wrist? Then watch out – not knowing the pronunciation could be a big, fat dampener to your proud moment. A ready reckoner to become a linguist in 5 minutes….

Audemars Piguet: OH-duh-MAHR PEA-GAY

A.Lange & Sohne: AH Lung-Geh Oohnt Sew-neh
Corum: Core-oom
Girard-Perregaux: Jee-rar Pear-ago
Jaeger-LeCoultre: YAY-ger Le-Cool-ter
Ulysse Nardin: YOU-lis Nur-den
Vacheron Constantin: Va-sher-own Cone-Stun-tuhn
Raymond Weil: Ray-mand WHILE
Breitling: brEYE-tling
Blancpain: Blon-pan
Audemars Piguet: awe-de (short e on de)-MARR pee-GAY
Paul Picot: Paul PEE-coe