Jeepers Creepers!

Platforms took a while getting used to, and I ‘meh-ed’ a little when Flatforms came into fashion, but Creepers is where I unblinkingly draw the line. True to their name, sole ‘creepers’ seriously give me the heebie-jeebies. Imagine this – a pair of brogues (which are bad enough to begin with) get a life of their own until they develop a spongy bottom, Jennifer Lopez style –and voila, you have what they’re tenderly referring to as creepers.

Sure, if you’re going punk or goth for a masquerade party, go right ahead. But if you ever so much as think of stepping into them for that well-heeled do, may the almighty have mercy on you! Asos’ business may be thriving thanks to these monstrosities, but have compassion for fashion before donning a pair yourself.

Screw you, comfort!

Every so often I spot a semi-chic, jump-suit donning, Venetta carrying damsel who’s walking as if on a mission to complete an extended game of hop-scotch. This spotting usually occurs in an uppity mall or a popular lounge – usually accompanied by the similar damsel variety. I, very recently unearthed the reason for this duck walk – uncomfortable footwear! Pencil heels, towering wedges and clumsy platforms – all work as an anti-anti-dote to the limping.
Why? I ask – why subject yourself to this kind of discomfort when you can sway your way? Mrs. Beckham may have been mortified at the idea of wearing flats when so advised by her doctor, but I’m sure her poor backbone did a silent little jig.
Tread with Caution
My always-in-fashion-style-tip – never compromise on comfort. Believe it or not, stilettos can be snug with the right shoe padding. Here’s a recommendation of which high street brands to choose and what not to.
Shoe-la-la:
Steve Madden – Thank god for FDI norms! Yes, it’s time to rejoice with glamorous heels and fashionable ballerinas as Steve Madden stores open across the country. Known for their myriad style, this is one brand that will walk the mile with you.
Charles and Keith – I totally swear by the quality of these absolutely yummy, yet super comfortable, not to mention ultra chic shoes. Not a single pair over the last 10 years has let me down. It has something to do with the workmanship and quality. And that’s not all, just in case your pair is the rotten apple, rest assured C&K will have it fixed and made good as new!
Throw in the boot:
Zara: How about concentrating or what you are good at (or think) - apparel. A classic case of all that glitters isn’t gold, their shoe designs stand out from afar, but on closer examination look staid and lackluster. Seriously, silver and blue colour blocks are so trite – go more avant-garde, Zara!

Choo Therapy

Does the very thought of owning those new Blahnik’s make you salivate like a hungry pup? Does the feel of knee-high leather boots caressing your feet make you tilt your head back in a state of near-orgasm? Is the wincing you experience with a slight shoe-bite bittersweet like a passionate hickey being planted on your neck? Don’t worry – you are not experiencing out of the ordinary behavior patterns. As a matter of fact, you’re as normal as vanilla icing.
Studies have proven 89% women between the ages of 18 - 35 experience an above normal release of endorphins within 24 hours of purchasing new shoes. Further, research says that the ecstatic reaction to the thought of shopping for new footwear can be compared with that of a climax. Not just that, monetary factors notwithstanding, for most women shoe shopping is guilt-free and painless (albeit only when compared to botox and going under the knife). It’s also interesting to note that this guilt-free experience is rated higher by borderline obese women.
Little wonder then, that most yuppie urban women on an average own over 500 pairs of shoes. They consider wedges, pumps and sling backs, staple accessories and repeating a shoe, sacrilege. It is for these thick-lashed elite that Italian shoe designers are thronging to our country and why a certain Choo can’t ignore India anymore.
So next time you feel the blues,ditch those yellow pills and reach out for hot heels instead.